Thursday, 19 January 2012

My Immortal

StoryMy Immortal

Author: Tara Gillespie aka  XXXbloodyrists666XXX aka goffikgurl666 aka Two Dudes trolling

Fandom:  Harry Potter

Stats:  44 total Chapters, (one is supposedly a hacked chapter), 23,000+ words, Published in 2006, Pairing OC/Harry OC/Draco OC/Everyone

Summary:  Chances are that you might have heard or even read My Immortal and be wondering what the hell something like that is doing on a reading challenge list, but for the uneducated, here's a brief history.  My Immortal is a Crack/Troll fic which surfaced on sometime in 2006, but the original upload has since been deleted.

It is infamous for almost every word in it being misspelt in some way and having the most insane plot, if you can really call it that, that you could ever imagine.

For a long time there was a massive debate about whether or not this was actually a real fan fiction or if it was the work of trolls.  I have always been on the side of trolls, because some of the supposed spelling mistakes made far better jokes than real jokes would have and because it covered almost every cliché at the time from fanfic writers and some were never spelt twice the same way in all 44 chapters and it takes a real talent to make sure that your spelling is that bad. 

Recently there was a confession written on a website by a guy who claimed that he and an online friend had conspired together to write My Immortal and he had been locked out of the account after 15 and had nothing to do with it after that point.  Whether he was just trying to seem cool or if he did indeed write My Immortal, I am sure that someone wrote it that badly on purpose and that's all that matters. 

When one of my friends read it for the first time she moodily confessed that she had written one or two Mary Sue characters in the past who bore a passing resemblance to the main character and subsequently vowed never to do that again having been thoroughly embarrassed by the situation.

So it didn't take me long to start cheating, I've actually read this before (I know, boo-hiss!)  However it was way, way, back when it was first published and I've never actually read the full thing before, just random snippets and some of the funniest quotes that people have published all over the place.  So I thought it really couldn't hurt for me to give it a full read.

My Immortal is the story of Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, or 'Enoby' as she ends up being through most of the time.  She's a seventh year Slytherin 'goff' who enjoys wearing black, listening to My Chemical Romance, being a Satanist and slitting her wrists.  The plot is about the main character, who is a vampire, strutting around Hogwarts, fighting against 'prepz' like Dumbledore, who listens to Avril Lavigne, Voldmort trying to get Ebony to kill Harry, who goes by the name Vampire, Ebony going back in time to try and prevent Tom Bombadil (really), from becoming Voldy by making him fall in love with her and the author breaking the forth wall to argue with 'prep' reviewers, Tara and her best friend/beta Raven falling out over some unknown drama and a supposed 'hacking' incident. 

That's just the tip of the madness.  The clothing descriptions are detailed enough to make even Patrick Bateman's eye twitch and the spelling takes a downward turn after Tara and her Beta have a falling out.  Hermione's name has changed to B'loody Mary Smith, she's converted to Satanism after discovering her parents were really vampires and she's adopted and has also changed houses to Slytherin.  Dumbledore starts calling everyone 'MOTHERFUCKERS' because he has a headache.  Snape and Lupin take to videotaping students having baths...  I really wish I was making this stuff up.

It is without doubt, utterly hilarious and probably the most successful fanfic ever uploaded to, when I last saw it on the site it had over 20,000 reviews.  As long as you read it with your tongue in your cheek I think you'll get a good kick out of it.

Rating: Beyond the rating system.

Some quotes from My Immortal:

    “Hi Draco!” I said in a depressed voice.
          Chapter 3                                   

     AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
        Chapter 4's Author's notes        

     And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
    Chapter 4                                 

         “My name’s Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.
         “Why?” I exclaimed.
         “Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled.
     Chapter 6                             

     I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.
Chapter 8                             
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly.
Chapter 9                            
     Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.
    “Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)
 Chapter 10                        

Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.
Chapter 11                       

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
Chapter 11                     

And if that lot doesn't wet your appetite for more insanity, nothing will.

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